Perplexed...

Confused...
Complicated...
Worthless...
Insecure...
Empty...

These are the exact feelings I have today. I am again hiding in my dark little corner. What if I had just stayed home? Will things have been better? Had facing my failure and fears with the comfort of home been better than running away, chasing liberty and seeking peace in the busy city life?

Suddenly I feel the rush of running back home. It would have been a big difference than living a life so out of the normal. When I was a little girl, I never left my mother's side. Neither had I thought I'd survive miles away from her.. But here I am, in my best efforts, I had been a survivor,
not just of being away from Mama's cradling arms, but for all the things I had been through. And honestly today, I am still struggling to be in sync with where I had been and where I am heading. Everything is still vague and unsure. Just letting a day pass and greeting another with a smile.

Life is toxic. You still sometimes find yourself a prey of something you have escaped from swallowing you, devouring you. Life has its own share of ironies, most of the time. You strive your best at 99%, get judged by that 1% failure you went through. Isn't that unfair?

And today, I spoke to God, told Him I feel wrecked. Psalms 3, He answered me. Like David, He will sustain my strength.

Life may not be perfect. We may not have been kind to every soul we see. We may have made mistakes and people may have magnified even those little faults. Some may have judged us so as to let us feel insignificant. But one thing is for sure. God is a Living God who gives a free hand when we stumble and fall. He sees us as His special creation with a significant purpose.