Mattie and Pedro

Today was rather difficult than expected. Woke up to a vivid dream of you and me together. You came to me wanting to talk. You pulled me away from a sweet conversation with me and one of my closest friends and this some guy I liked. At first I was in shock. I wanted to say no because I wanted to make you feel it hasn't been easy for me this whole time. And now that I'm finally moving on, you would come to me and ruin a great moment I have been praying for months now. I wanted to let you go and start anew. Eventually, I gave in which was somehow predictable. I've never said no to you. You circled your sturdy arms around me and I felt the warmth of your embrace. You were crying and you had a difficult time dealing with the fact that I haven't been around. It was different because I felt the sincerity of your words. You wanted me to stay. And I held on too tight because I didn't want to leave either. But at the back of my mind, I was still in this constant debacle - how can I stay if you yourself are not even ready to have all of me. The dream went on... I let go and stood beside you and I held your hand. Our fingers intertwined. And it felt wonderful. Then we walked toward a mini-forest we used to hang out back in my elementary days. There were others in the background but I couldn't see their faces. I only see you behind the trunks of those mini trees. We were both smiling. We were happy. I came closer and asked if I could still call you that name I used to call you. You said no. And that it doesn't make any sense, us being two different cartoon characters from two different shows. I get it. They didn't have connection and that we do. You said we are like Mattie and Pedro and I somehow assumed it was something I didn't watch or even heard of but it seemed to me we were special like them. And that there's a we. My heart felt contentment. And it ended there. But I know I only see you in my dreams as that person I wanted you to be. That Pedro in my dreams loves me. But you didn't... To be continued...

MPS

Stress is a word too broad to define and I am pretty sure every one of us has different things to say about it. Some, including myself, might refer to stress as either the happy type or the one that breaks you into pieces. We stress out about a lot of things, and sometimes even if it’s something meant to be ignored, our minds are still actively fussing about it. Stress, however, if not managed well, may lead to discomfort. One of which is what I am about to share to you. If you have experienced the following symptoms: deep aching pain in a muscle, pain that persists or worsens, a tender knot in a muscle, difficulty sleeping due to pain, you might be experiencing what medical professionals call as Myofascial pain syndrome (MPS). Yes, muscle pain especially in the lower and upper back might be a result of some physical or emotional stress. Myofascial pain syndrome, also known as chronic myofascial pain (CMP), is a syndrome characterized by chronic pain caused by multiple trigger points and fascial constrictions. Myofascial pain can occur in distinct, isolated areas of the body. More generally speaking, the muscular pain is steady, aching, and deep. Depending on the case and location the intensity can range from mild discomfort to excruciating and "lightning-like". The pain does not resolve on its own, even after typical first-aid self-care such as ice, heat, and rest. Systematic disease (one that affects a number of organs and tissues, or affects the body as a whole), poor posture, and emotional disturbance might trigger MPS, although its precise causes have not yet been fully understood. Treatment for MPS includes medications such as pain relievers, antidepressants, and sedatives. Physical therapy is one procedure most helpful in alleviating muscle pain. It may involve stretching, massage, heat application, and ultrasound. Needle procedures are another way of treatment. One’s lifestyle should also be definitely watched out for. Regular exercise, relaxation such as meditation, or going out with friends, and taking care of your body through a healthy diet and by getting enough rest and sleep would make it easier for you to concentrate on coping with the pain. Muscle tension pain may be experienced by everyone. Having a chronic pain condition such as MPS can be frustrating. It is still best to seek help from a professional. Schedule an appointment with your general physician so he could refer you to a specialist, usually an orthopedic surgeon, or a psychiatrist. To be continued… Sources: Wikipedia, mayoclinic.com

Trough

I am not going to lie, every single day is a struggle. There are moments when I feel giving up is the only option but it isn't that easy, as well. That is why even though it's hard, pretending that you are okay is the only give away. I am still fighting for it, you know. Even if I know I have no dibs on anyone or anything, I still fight. Because, somehow fighting is the only way to keep me sane. I am not ready to let go, although maybe I really have to now. I just can't. Not now. Not today.

Rainy Days

I recently quit my job. In the next couple of days or weeks or months, for sure things will be a whole lot different. But this is the exact definition of life. It is all about change; nothing permanent. I can talk all day about how I feel and you would understand how bent and broken I am but none of that matters. In my 27 years of existence, I learned that starting a new chapter of your life does not always include a graceful posse and you feel all guarded and secure- that you know where you are headed to. Mostly, moving on means you are on your own now and the road you are about to traverse can either be too narrow or too wide for you. I don't know what mine is going to be but the one thing that I am sure of is that I left my old world because it has become too minuscule for me. I may have had a momentary tiff with myself whether I did what is best for me. But... How do you know what is "best" anyway?

Guilty...

Yes, make it stop.. Puhleaaaase...

:( Sometimes it gets tiring... Really...

I remember you, Cyn.. :.(

*sigh*

So Charlie...

Just Go

I walk through the shadows
And jump from stone to stone
I cross the sad river
When will I get home?

Come dusk greet the meadow
While skyline slowly fades
And breeze start to whisper
"It's cold and cozy coz you are almost home".

It's been awhile walking
You're more impatient yet so hopeful
I see twilight slowly showing
Oh how I long to be home.

I kept my steps going
And my heart heard a sound
It is familiar and magical
I knew then I am home...